Brío

"Singer" by Degas

You may be dreaming of becoming a stage performer, but the idea of being in front of so many people makes you nervous. If there's no apparent way for you to do your creative thing by yourself, you might just want to explore ways to ease your anxiety. The key to your current happiness lies in your ability to communicate, so talking about your fears is a sensible start to overcoming self-imposed obstacles.

My horoscope today

On Facebook my friend Phyllis and I were discussing skills, specifically skills in PhotoShop, and I remarked that:

I find that anything I do a lot, I get good at. If I do it now and then, I forget too much and have to struggle, even make the same mistakes I've made before. I get way out of my comfort zone. I need to pick the things I want most to be good at, and do them frequently, i.e. daily…

Simple enough, but the problem is that I want to improve skills in so many areas, having lagged behind for so many years, mostly out of fear. For instance, I've been with the Capt for 20 years, and during all that time, whenever we go anywhere in any vehicle, his or mine, he has to drive. It's a guy thing, he explains. So I didn't do much solo driving over the past 20 years. The result was that when I had to drive our '71 VW van from California to Mexico, I was, to say the least, stressed. As in terrified. Since then I've had to do a few long trips alone, and it's gotten easier.

Another skill I'd like to develop is fixing things. When I was small, I was instructed by my mother not to try to fix anything, I'd just destroy it, best to let Daddy do it. Somehow my younger sister avoided this edict, maybe because she hung out with Daddy more, and learned that fixing things was possible, even for a girl. As an adult, I found that my mother considered herself inept and projected this ineptitude onto me. Thanks, Mom.

Now, whenever I make something nonfunctional function again, I feel like celebrating. My sis, who's always making repairs, serenely takes her skills for granted. Someday I'd like to be that nonchalant about my abilities.

A big challenge for me is stagefright. Mother had it and never got over it. My stepfather had a band when I was in high school, and talked her into singing when their professional singer quit; Mom sewed up a couple of gowns, practiced quite a lot and made an appearance or two (one of them at my high school junior prom) and then resigned. I don't think she got much positive encouragement from my Type A stepdad, and she never had a chance to overcome her inherent insecurities. Certainly my sister and I didn't applaud her efforts. I'll always regret that.

If I go silent for months and then start singing again, the same reluctance and insecurity I felt at the start come flooding back. Will I remember the lyrics? Will I come in at the right time? In the right key? At the right tempo? Do I look strained, standing up there at the microphone? Will I choke? Is the audience (usually a bunch of people sitting around eating, drinking and socializing) drowning me out because they don't want to hear me?

Any one of these mistakes can and do happen, and the only thing I can do to prevent them and/or manage them and perform with brío (panache, verve, spirit) is to do it often. Not just for an audience, but for myself. A capella, if necessary. No more months of silence.

P.S. Calypso John PhotoShopped my head onto Degas' painting, to produce this bit of whimsy.

P.P.S. Congratulations to Chrys Page, my online singing coach, whose training (in only six weeks) enabled one of her new senior students to win the “Miss Coastal Bend Senior” Pageant in Corpus Christi. In her blog this month Chrys has these words of wisdom, not just for singers:

It’s a human thing to want always to be right, and to feel secure with what we know. But let me tell you singers, that it is in the insecure moments, the weaker moments, the less certain positions we take, where the inner growth truly occurs.